Blowing bubble kisses...

Sometimes I try to play the whole "game" in my head before the first move even happens. Like... strategy mode: ON. Predicting, adjusting, mentally prepping for every possible reaction – before anyone else even shows up. And somewhere in all that planning, poof, I vanish from my own experience.

It’s not really me anymore. It’s like a pre-programmed version of me, running simulations instead of living the moment. Exhausting, by the way. And stressful. Like, why am I acting like life is a giant chess match I must win?

So… how do I stop?

Honestly? No clue. Control feels safe. But I do know one practical baby step: noticing when I’m predicting instead of just being.

Catching myself mid-thought like: "If I say this, they’ll think that, and then I’ll have to do this…"

And then – pause. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Ask gently: "Okay, but what am I actually feeling right now? What do I want in this moment?"

Yeah, I know. Easier said than done. My brain is a world-class simulation engine. It's like a defense mechanism – if I can see it all coming, nothing can hurt me, right?

Except… it does. In a different way. The cost is steep – anxiety, disconnection from myself, and conversations that feel more like performance than connection.

So… I'm practicing catching myself mid-thought. Every little click of awareness is brain training. A quiet rewiring. I’m not trying to win some mental war, I’m just repeating a new choice. And the more I repeat it, the more natural it becomes. That’s how habits shift. Tiny rep by tiny rep.

And sometimes, I even give myself a cue. A weird little mantra like "Din Djarin" (don’t ask, it works 😅). Or a whispered "pause, breathe, come back." Anything that snaps me out of simulation mode and drops me back into real life. It's silly. It's small. But it helps.

Maybe the real goal isn’t to stop thinking ahead entirely (I mean, it’s already part of me), but to trust myself enough. To believe I can handle whatever comes. Even if I didn’t pre-plan every possible outcome.

Let some mystery in. Let others co-create the moment too. I'm not the only one holding up the sky.

That sounds... kinda freeing, doesn’t it? To me, it really does. Breathing easier, feeling lighter – that’s reason enough to try.

Oh, and one more thing. I also sketched a tiny personal guardian – version of me who doesn’t overthink. She just is. She appears when my brain starts spinning webs. Blows bubble kisses… reminding me to come back to myself. It helps too.

You sure you don’t have a little guardian too? Look around!

With love, Vi. ❤︎